Career is less important than Family?
hmmm. Just noting down something that i have experienced today.
It has been a month plus since I have applied and gone for my TSM interview. Seems like the ghost of it still remains.
Was in a late meeting with my boss today and i have no idea why we suddenly chanced upon the topic of me having applied for the position. The funniest comment was that he said despite me being so young that I think like an old man, being indecisive about the post. I just shared that there are probably too many variables at the current moment for consideration hence my hesitation. The biggest of it is marriage. Then he went on to comment that it is rare to see that guys these days put family ahead of career, especially at the young age.
Though inside, I get the feeling that I might have damaged my career progression chances by not having that “decisiveness” (army and Nike style), I’d still take it as a compliment. I would figure it is a testimony to what I truly stand for. All that i am doing now is indeed for my family and I have not strayed by putting my career first. To me a career is only a means to an end - to support and sustain my family. It’s better to have a “margin of safety” than risking so much.
It is highly probably that a typical young chap in my position might feel that the whole thing that just happened might just have been career limiting. And hence be severely affected somewhat. Somehow I feel quite non-chalant about it. But then again, blogging it all out here might also be a psychological indication that this might just be an act of catharsis to isolate and contain my “sadness”, if you call it that.
But it is cool to know all these because it does affect decisions somewhat. There is no one way to go UP and if it does seem career limiting for a time to come, there’s an internal system (well, at least i have it inside me) to “explore opportunities”. And even so now, I think it is quite exciting to see how I can change my boss’ perspective. Time to hone the “decisive” competency. In the meanwhile, there’s so much to leech from this place by contributing and being as involved as possible - experiences, learning ground and networking.
In short, I am having a whale of a time in my “job”.
Are you?
March 10th, 2010 at 1:06 am
Well Pau Pau…let me share with you something which I think I haven’t in awhile.
I’ve met many people across the various industries during my years of work and even during the days in university when I was doing free lancing. The sad fact is that when a man or a woman is successful up in the corporate ladder, 85~90%, he or she has some form of family issues. They either are trying to deal with it, have no time to be bothered by it or don’t even know that the problem exists.
Like what you mentioned, “a Career is only the means to the end”… it is the wonderful essence that you’ve grasp. This is actually a very valuable thing to always keep in mind. What for a career to learn the riches when you return to an empty box? Of course, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t look at the career as an important factor in life, the fact is that it still is, but it should be the factor that brings the family forward in time. I’ve seen many people making career decisions at the expense of the family. The family has to just flow into the beat that he or she has chosen (whoever is the sole person of the family).
What is often missed out is how the very shift affects each an every member of the family. The spouse, the kids, and most of all, the relationship between them. Jack takes a promotion that brings in good cash flow to the family, but that would be him having to be stationed overseas for 4 years. It’s either his family sees him twice a year or they follow him over and readjust themselves to wherever it may be. Spouse isn’t used to it and do not have the network support of friends she used to have and take comfort with, children are at a lost in school education and aren’t used to the lifestyle switch. Worst of all, Jack’s promotion meant him having heavier responsibilities, thus giving him less time with his family even when they are all over in that country with him. One year of this may not be much a problem for some, yet even 6 months could breed a load of issues. Before the 4 years are done, the main root of family break ups may have already sunken in deeply without Jack even knowing it. ~Jack is just an example….
Even those not required for overseas posting, they reach a point in their career life where they have a huge portfolio to carry, to upkeep their reputation and their position, they tend to keep working and getting stressed over everything in their career that it squeezes them out of their family time. They too get blinded and tend to overlook the essence of family warmth and values, only to regret all their doings much later in life. By then, life is coming to an end…
There was a time in my life when I saw myself as a workaholic and simply focus so much on what I wanted, what I had to do and what I seek to achieve. Suddenly, when I stopped and looked back, I thought to myself…”Damn it I missed out so much more on other things that meant so much more to me than working up my career…” I probably failed to listen deeply to certain issues Jacelyn may be dealing with at work or at school, thinking that as long as I helped her with her exams it would be enough… I probably failed to watch over my younger brothers enough to ensure that they walk the proper path… I probably even failed to hear the problems they were having at school or in the army which I could jolly well help and guide them through. In these personal examples, it could mean the lost in bond, relationships or probably in a worst case scenario, a total failure… A few years down the road, I could see my brothers just treat one another like just another person in the house, no strength in their family bonds, my parents would’ve been really upset and disheartened, I would have lost jacelyn at the end of it all.
So then, my friend…what is the point of building a career when I come home at the end of the day to a total mess and wreck?… I might as well not slog so much and just be a general tech or a cleaner…fending for my own rice bowl and that’s very much about all in my life…
The reason why we work, why we have even a career…at the end of the day is to put in effort to carry our extended family and soon, our own family to the very next step in life….journeying with one another, hand in hand…as one catholic family.
So in short…you aren’t wrong to even consider many issues like marriage, family and other parts of your life before making a decision on your career. In fact, you are wise to do so. Opportunities may strike once for a career path, but there is only one family you have, only one spouse whom you’re gona share your entire life with and the only one marriage you’ve longed for… There are yet many other career paths with their own set of opportunities waiting to surface… All but with the grace of God.
Cheers!
March 10th, 2010 at 11:46 am
It’s good to read about such examples of ppl putting family first. I share the same view that the career is a means to provide for the family. & I can understand that sometimes it’s depressing & hard to walk this path when we see so many examples of ppl climbing at all cost. Often the impact on family is taken as an acceptable side-effect to achieve progress. But if we take a long, hard look, many who have walked down that road end up unhappy, so too their family. It does tell us that we are not on the wrong path, if not on the right path, to put family first. & as more of us share, it won’t seem so much like the whole world is doing it anymore, & we offer one another support in our decision. =)
March 11th, 2010 at 2:42 pm
Thanks Ken and Matt for the comments!
Well the balance between career and family can be a difficult one to balance. We spend more than 40 or even 50 hours a week at work and the time spent at home or with our loved ones are significantly lesser. It is not surprising that our drive to make or break our career can dominate our minds most of the time. Who will want to see their huge weekly investment on career over a long period of time go to waste?
At the end of the day, we might say so much about placing family first but in practice, we might not do so. Hence the need for constant reminders (through career shakeups or friends like you). In a way, that’s why I don’t really see a seemingly bad thing happen at work as “bad”. It can a way to let us know to keep in track.