It has been a month plus since I have applied and gone for my TSM interview. Seems like the ghost of it still remains.

Was in a late meeting with my boss today and i have no idea why we suddenly chanced upon the topic of me having applied for the position. The funniest comment was that he said despite me being so young that I think like an old man, being indecisive about the post. I just shared that there are probably too many variables at the current moment for consideration hence my hesitation. The biggest of it is marriage. Then he went on to comment that it is rare to see that guys these days put family ahead of career, especially at the young age.

Though inside, I get the feeling that I might have damaged my career progression chances by not having that “decisiveness” (army and Nike style), I’d still take it as a compliment. I would figure it is a testimony to what I truly stand for. All that i am doing now is indeed for my family and I have not strayed by putting my career first. To me a career is only a means to an end - to support and sustain my family. It’s better to have a “margin of safety” than risking so much.

It is highly probably that a typical young chap in my position might feel that the whole thing that just happened might just have been career limiting. And hence be severely affected somewhat. Somehow I feel quite non-chalant about it. But then again, blogging it all out here might also be a psychological indication that this might just be an act of catharsis to isolate and contain my “sadness”, if you call it that.

But it is cool to know all these because it does affect decisions somewhat. There is no one way to go UP and if it does seem career limiting for a time to come, there’s an internal system (well, at least i have it inside me) to “explore opportunities”. And even so now, I think it is quite exciting to see how I can change my boss’ perspective. Time to hone the “decisive” competency. In the meanwhile, there’s so much to leech from this place by contributing and being as involved as possible - experiences, learning ground and networking.

In short, I am having a whale of a time in my “job”.

Are you?

Well, in short, for all of us, we are gauged according by some standards and largely by the primary role we play in our jobs. A huge emphasis or weightage is placed on this primary role. i.e. if you are an accountant, you are gauged by the accounts you manage; if you are an engineer, it’s the projects you do and complete. It is naturally assumed that to climb, you will work damn bloody hard in your primary role to get up there.

However, the fact of life is that such a focus is not entirely the best way to do so.

Even as the primary role has great importance, it is not a differentiating factor. To get up there, it is not about meeting expectations or KPI, it is about differentiation. Sounds like a no-brainer right? But most of us do not function that way. We just slog at our primary role because it’s mainly where we are measured.

The secondary roles are which we are “marked” and can set ourselves apart from others. Even as their “importance” or “weightage” in our appraisal is small, they can make or break your career. We know of instances where people were eyeballed because they did something extraordinary, and often not in other roles than their primary role (we are talking about career builders, not entreprenuers).

This does not mean you can be lax on your primary role. No boss wants to promote a person who performs poorly in a primary role and well in a secondary role. But of course, you can complain of a job misfit and ask for a job change if the organisation is large enough to accomodate. (In my previous short stint, i did not have that luxury. And i bailed.)

So the moral of the story is:

To climb, focus on the right thing if you want to move up - standing out.

“Plans are only good intentions unless they immediately degenerate into hard work.”
- Peter Drucker

Blogging has taken a backseat for many months. The nice thing about blogging is that you can come to it as and when you like it. And if the writing is for self and the closest ones around you, you don’t really have to bother about the frequency of it. Moreover, it is so much easier to update microblogging statuses on Twitter. Short sweet and does not have to take so much time.

At this point of writing, I’m feeling breathless and having a slight constriction around my chest area. Quite uncomfortable. I think it is a mix of having not drinking sufficiently after yesterday’s RT and having accumulated massive amount of sleep debt. As closer friends would know, I am not good to taking a lot of sleep debt. It affects me quite a bit in terms of physical health and my temperament. Sometimes also cannot think straight. I’m not too sure why but i think i have not been able to sleep well too coupled with the silly fact that I keep staying up at night. Besides the detrimental effect of Zynga games, there’s always reasons to stay up a little later at night - clearing emails, sorting bills and reading up on things. Doesn’t make it better when I have to wake up so early. It has come to a point where I have stopped going to the gym in the morning. But of course, with RT in place, I have sort of used it as a replacement.

Well, there are other happenings in my life.

Wedding
Things are going slow and smooth. I think this will pick up increasingly after our photoshoot in March. A good break in Taiwan will hopefully cure the sleep problem. Though I am not too sure whether it is even healthy to wait till then. Went to a bridal studio - Zann&Denn. Kenny is nice and seems to think for our needs. Very personal and friendly which makes the working relationship better. It is highly possible that we will go back to him. Banquet and church bookings have been settled. Think still have to book the hall. Wondering whether we ought to have a separate party from our banquet. It would be more for our friends and colleagues - that kind of crowd.

Work
The biggest bulk of my time. But things have more or less been settled. I am in sort of a comfort zone now. Will be going for an interview for a overseas posting similiar to YY. It makes sense to be open to it when I am in a global company. Think the exposure is important whether or not i stay in the company in the long run. The fear i have is adaptability. I have spoken to my bosses and mentor about it and the good thing is that they are very forthcoming with their comments and opinions. These I treasure and thank them for it. Another concern weighing on me is family. On one hand, I wonder whether we can cope, especially being away. On the other hand, it excites me to be away and being independent. Pray Addy feels the same way too. Well, I am speaking as though I will be posted out soon. Better not jump the gun.

National Service
I must say that it was silly to have overlooked my IPPT window last year and was charged for it. Now i have to go for RT. Dreaded it initially cos of the long hours but then, it became quite enjoyable after a few sessions. I think you must think i am mad. Well, I like to think positive. First, it makes me exercise on a regular basis even when i don’t feel like it sometimes. Second, where else can you get a free physical instructor to hone on the parts you don’t do well in and offer good advice? Thirdly, I am paid for it. So why not? I have already claimed back my $100 that i was charged for already. The downside is that I feel extremely tired these days especially in office.

I must say that my fitness has dropped. From 12 pullups to 6. Now I cannot pass running despite being able to go for marathons. Guess they are 2 different ball games. Think it’s my weight ba, which incidentally, is going down slowly. heh. The next to target is my eating habits.

Just went for a medical checkup with a specialist which cost a bomb. Have to send to MINDEF for review. Excuse ship duties which is a relief. I dunno how much longer my left shoulder can take the rope work.

That’s all for now. A great catharsis. Will update again (in a long while?)